Invisible Builders

The following writing was sent to me by a friend. I enjoyed it, appreciated it, and hope you do too!

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'

Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going . she's going . she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'You're gonna love it there.'

As mothers (fathers), we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women(men).

Unexpected Phone Call

During foster parent training, I'm often asked if we stay in contact with kids who've been part of our family. The short answer is "not for long," but the longer answer is more complicated. When we had teens who were in the juvenile justice system, we were seen as part of their "punishment," so few of them kept contact for more than a couple of months. For birth parents, it's probably one of the worst times in their lives, and if they get their lives together enough to parent their children, they're usually anxious to move on with their family. For typical foster children we usually stay in contact for a while so the kids don't feel abandoned (and suffer even more loss than they've already gone through), but then let the parents and kids know we're there for them, and would be happy to hear from them, but try to leave the decision up to them. At this time - there is no one from years ago who stays in contact with us regularly, but we're always surprised and happy when we do hear about someone, or especially, when we hear from them directly.

So . . . it was with surprise and delight that I answered the phone this morning, and it was a certain tall young blond fellow, who has reached the grand old age of 21. BB was a special part of our family through most of his high school years - arriving at 15 years old, and leaving just after he turned 18. We last saw him a year later, at the local HS graduation. Many of you knew him, and I'm happy to pass on his report that he's in college for his second semester, and studying to be a HS teacher and a coach. (No surprise there - he's one of the best motivators I know!) It hasn't been an easy road for him, and there have been some really rough patches along the way, but he is taking advantage of the things the state has to offer him for his education, and has plans for the future. He called needing a reference for a position helping with the football team, and I'll be happy to give that reference when the coach calls. If he's looking for a great motivator with a big heart - he's found his man!

Congratulations BB, and thanks for calling! You made my day!

Kindness is Contagious

One of the challenges of foster parenting is influencing our children toward kindness and thoughtfulness in a world of negativity. We all tend to see the world as the world we've experienced, and often that world is a troubled one for kids who end up in foster care. Thus their world view is often slanted toward the negative, and clothing is one area where this shows up.

Styles for young ones are often sexualized and suggestive. Besides the styles being inappropriate, the printed words and pictures are often inappropriate as well. No one of any age needs to have suggestive sayings printed across their derriere or other personal areas, or for that matter, any words at all which would cause the eye to be attracted to that area.

Tee shirt sayings are getting worse every year, it seems, and in some stores it's very hard to find anything worth buying. Some glorify the negative, like "Dumber than I look," and "Really, I have no idea where my homework is." Others glorify the wearer, with sayings like "Because I'm awesome." Many, many shirts are put-downs -- put-downs of the reader of the shirt, the parents, the sister, actually anything! I saw some today that said, "You are so annoying," and "I wish I could help you (but I can't fix stupid)."

That's why it was refreshing today to run across this site: B*Kindwear. They have clothing in several size ranges, and have two cute logos, including line drawings of 4 children's faces, with the words 'Kindness is Contagious. ' Our actions should show kindness and the love of God shining through us, but now we can also 'wear it on our sleeves.' :-)

Creative Hands

Just for fun -- a shadow puppet video.

You will want to turn up the sound.

Amazing Hummingbird Photos

Clicking on THIS LINK will take you to photos of a hummingbird nest, complete with eggs. Clicking at the bottom of each page will take you through several pages of photos - showing the babies from birth to flight.

At the end of the last page, is a link to another hummingbird nest, from an earlier year.

Enjoy!

Onward Christian Soliders

The first day of school for Teenager. The first day of high school, the first day of Christian school, the first day of following a strict dress code. Lots of firsts! For Teenager - a new beginning in lots of ways, and she's ready to face the challenges. Last night we met her teacher and some of the 14 students at the high school level. She knew one student from a previous school, and very quickly they were all visiting together in a group. Today will be the introduction to the academic part of the challenge, and we think she's ready for that, also. Best wishes, Teenager - the four years will go very quickly for us, I'm sure!

Time to Speak Up, More Loudly

There is a new medical test available for pregnant women, which screens to identify babies with Down Syndrome using less invasive methods. You can read about it here. More mothers are getting positive screens (including two FALSE-positives in our family), so there is more concern for pregnant women. Those with positive screens are tested further, to find those who are truly carrying babies with Down syndrome or other genetic problems. The majority of babies with Down syndrome now result in "terminated pregnancies," and the numbers are growing every year. With more testing, more babies will be identified, thus more who may not be allowed to survive. Who would have thought a few years ago that someday there might be hardly ANY men and women with Down Syndrome who have survived their mothers' pregnancies! It's astounding! A world without Down Syndrome would be a sad world indeed. We've said many times that if we ALL saw the world through Hugger's eyes, it would change the world! I've had many opportunities to talk about the impact he's had on our lives. We don't ignore the challenges, but certainly celebrate the wonder of all it means to have Down syndrome.

With the recent news stories about Down Syndrome, and the impression they leave that an unborn baby with DS is something to be 'dealt with,' I've been thinking a lot lately about the state of things in the realm of DS. I decided to 'go public' (not that we've never been silent, or even private about DS), and dug out this sticker that I picked up at a conference a couple of years ago. I placed it on the side window of our van -- even though we've never used a bumper sticker of any type before. Someone has to speak up, and I might as well be one of those someones. It's not a huge thing, but it's something. (Note the raindrops on the window this morning! We needed the rain so badly, I didn't even want to wipe it off the sticker.)

The other day I ran across an article written about the playwrite Arthur Miller, who had a son with DS. It's an interesting story. Although denial of a child is very sad, and family life has been proven to be more successful than institutionalism (no surprise there - with God designing the family), the direction of the US today is moving toward not even allowing children with DS to survive the womb, and that snowball is growing and rolling faster every day. I've never been especially politically active, but politics keeps crowding our values, and our home, and if we don't speak out, then who will?

I haven't read anything by Barbara Curtis before (who referenced the Arthur Miller article -- you can find Part One here, and Part Two here), but I will be doing some more reading! Her background includes some difficult things to overcome, but along the way of giving birth to 9 children -- one of whom has Down Syndrome -- and adopting 3 more with DS, she left the life of left-leaning politics, drugs and child neglect, and is now following Jesus. She's a conservative Christian, and a prolific writer and public speaker. Someone I'd like to know more about, I'm sure.